This is the post excerpt.
I have always wanted to write.
I have always feared writing.
Feared being authentic in a moment and recording it. Paranoid that my thoughts would shift overtime and somehow become a weapon to be later used against me. Instead of leaning into my fear, I have let it lead me astray – stifling part of my soul.
This blog is me whatever that means, I’m still trying to figure that out.
I sit here hating myself.
Critiquing my body, fear my out ward appearance, the words that cross my lips
Are these voices a part of me or are they just ghosts of you ?
My ghosts were just that
You gave them life
Filled their lungs with long winded breath
I toss and turn
Wanting nothing more than to feel a spark
Encased In your spare moments laced with hate.
Brooding behind a wall of ash
The fire in your eyes filed with insecurities.
I made a decision this morning that even at my lowest I’m a gem.
The reality of being a woman, maybe more so than being human, is on my morning run I would prefer to listen to the sounds of my environment
But I feel safer listening to music and becoming solid in my aloneness, my breath, the hard slap of my heels on the concrete
Than listen to the horns
I would rather match my pace to some trap
Than feel the slow creep of you hiding behind your tint
There are so many strong qualities about this queen besides the power in my step
I ain’t here for window shopping
Air twisting, rolling into the nose
Lungs expanding, stretching
Shift into awareness
Float in inner depth
Find pause in self
Sheer power propelling me forward
Layers of change
Momentum of nature
Mindful of the arena
Warm crisp wind blowing by my ears
Notes of Salt and Sea on my tongue
Rough friction of wax on my toes
Bright blinding light blonding my brows
Sun Rays gently kissing my body
As if a past lover
Delicately exciting my cells
Feeding my soul
I remember a poster when I was
Worked from the sand and the surf
And for a moment